Yesterday's Letter
by Rings Of Saturn
Summary: You can just walk away but I don't feel the same. My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you and those feelings will never fade. I can't hide my pain, I can never hide the way I feel for you. Ruhana


Title: **Yesterday's Letter**

Author: Rings of Saturn

Pairing: Ruhana 

Genre: General/Romance 

Status: One-shot, songfic

Rating: G

DISCLAIMER: Would you believe me if I said it belongs to me? Also the song belongs to its rightful owner, 98 degrees, but I do have a coy of it :D It's called 'Yesterday's Letter'.

A/N: Ok, I was writing my other SD story (Nothing Last Forever) and I was listening to one of my new songs. I really like the words and just had this sudden idea to write this story ^_~ I will get straight back to updating my other story after I finished this :D Hope you like it, but flames are welcome also! Enjoy!

Email: waterbaby12us@hotmail.com

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I stared at the letter in my hand, those hands that use to clasp around yours. The letter that will bring the end to the love I always wanted to cherish. Tears started to pour out as I remember the fateful day when you told me about your leave. I block away to see the excitement in your eyes; I couldn't stand the pain of seeing you gone. 

_I wrote a letter yesterday  
Just trying to explain  
Couldn't find the words to say  
Cause you are so far away, so far away_

I couldn't stand to watch you leave, to step out of my life for once and for all. I can't face your joyful face as your dreams are finally within reach, but my dreams are shattered along the way. My dream of spending eternity with you was wash away like the pouring rain. My hands ache for your touch, to feel your soft skin under my fingertips once more, as my heart ached at the thought of you gone. _  
  
I wrote a letter yesterday  
It's so hard for me to face  
That it had to end this way  
But my love will never change, will never change_

How could you just leave when our love was working so well, didn't you feel the pain like I did? Where's the promise that you said that you would never leave my side? I longer can tell if you love me at all, but I will always cherish the time we share. _  
  
When I search my soul to find the truth  
About the love we shared  
I wonder why you're no longer here _

"Sakuragi!" A yell broke though my thoughts as I roughly rub away the tears that had start flowing. I turned and saw the girl who use to be the dream of my desire, now only a friend who I care deeply. 

"Hi, Haruko," I choked out. My voice seemed cranky and raspy and my mouth feels dry, probably from too much crying and dreaming about the boy in my life.

"Are you writing to Rukawa-san in America?" Haruko asked at me kindly, as she already knows about the relationship I 'USE' to have with Rukawa. 

"Why would I want to write to that baka kitsune!! Why would I ever want to talk to that cold uncaring fox!! It's not like I care...about him..." My words were cut short as Haruko shook her head and point to my new flowing tears. I had tried to hide, to run from the pain, to try to believe that I don't care, but my heart speaks otherwise. Denying my feelings for you had only brought more pain and confusion, accept the feeling for you had brought me free yet there always will be a hole in my heart. Haruko patted my shoulder softly and handed me a handkerchief for my red puffy eyes. Her eyes shined in understanding and sorrow but she will never understand the pain I'm feeling inside. _  
  
You can just walk away  
But I don't feel the same  
My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you  
And those feelings will never fade  
I can't hide my pain  
I can never hide the way I feel for you_

I'm dying day by day, as my hearts slowly dies away but my feelings for you will never die even if I fade away. I cry my heart out day by day, and day by day I lose my self control. I can no longer see the world I use to. The world is meaningless without you by my side. Reality no longer means anything to me, only dreams and hope keep me alive. I dream that one day you will come back say you still love me. I dream one day, you will hold me tight once more. _  
  
I've been talking in my sleep  
About the way it used to be  
Boy I pray that you hear me  
Then I'll see you in my dreams  
Oh, in my dreams_

Everyday, I replay in my mind the time I spent with you. I tried to recall every word you had said, recall every expression you had, recall every touch of your skin, but it's all just my imagination. I wanted only you, not the past memories, I wanted the real you standing in front of me, saying those three words over and over again. But my preys and hopes never were answered. Everyday, I waited to hear those words, but I heard nothing but the whisper of the wind in my ears. Everyday, I waited for your call, just one word from your mouth will heal my heart once more, but there was none. I waited for your letter, just a single word from you, even do'ahou will be able to fill my heart once more, but not one word was received from you. _  
  
Well I can't forget the words you said  
To pull away from my life  
And no matter what I'll carry you inside_

Once, I saw you in a basketball magazine, you really hit it off in America, didn't you? I don't know if I should by happy for you of your new life or cry at the thought that I'm not included in that new life. _  
  
You can just walk away  
But I don't feel the same  
My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you  
And those feelings will never fade  
I can't hide my pain  
I can never hide the way I feel for you_

"Sakuragi, just forget about him," Haruko said suddenly interrupting my thoughts. Her eyes were full of worries and pain as she watched my die away day by day. She had been there like Youhei and my gang, always supporting me but no matter what they do I just can't seem to forget.

"I can't..." I said hoarsely. I want him and only him.

_Sooner or later your gonna realize  
That this type of love happens once in your life  
So open your eyes boy  
And see what we could be_

There's got to be a day where you will no longer be in my heart, a day when you will no longer cause me pain. Days when I can think back the memories we had and just smile and forget. But that day never came and never will. Everything I do now revolves around you. I wake up to wait for your call. I go to school to hear any news from you. I walk to the park to think about you. I go to the beach to pretend to watch the sunset with you. I go home to wait for your call. I sleep to dream about you. My life no longer exists, only you exist in my life and heart. _  
  
You can just walk away  
But I don't feel the same  
My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you  
And those feelings will never fade  
I can't hide my pain  
I can never hide the way I feel for you  
  
You can just walk away  
But I don't feel the same  
My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you  
And those feelings will never fade  
I can't hide my pain  
I can never hide the way I feel for you  
_

I dropped the letter into the slot (slit?) of the mailbox and watched the letter dropped soundlessly into the heaps of letter. _Goodbye, Kae-chan. My feelings for you will never fade, yet I longer can withstand the intense pain, and I finally decide to put it to an end. Goodbye, the love of my life. _

I waved my last goodbyes with Haruko and walked away. Five years have I waited and not a word, a call or anything was received. I cannot longer wait. My heart still beats for you, and my feelings will never fade, but I have to set myself from the pain and to love you peacefully forevermore. I walked to the shop next to my apartment and brought a new razor, and a basketball magazine. I want to read and look at you for the last time before I'm gone. My lips curved into a smile for the last time at the picture of yours, and I looked up the sky and ask for the last time.

_My heart will always be yours, Kaede, but why you treasure it? _

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How was it? I don't really know what I wrote, the stuff just come to me as I type :P Anyway, this is my ever songfic and I'm trying my best, even if it's really bad, I would still like to know. I can try to do a better job next time:) Is it too short? I couldn't think of anything else tow rite for the last bit so the ending might be a bit hastily, but I didn't bother to make Rukawa come back. Sorry to all the Rukawa fans!

R&R!!!!!!

P.S Is this story count as an angst fic?


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